Monday, June 1, 2009


Spring '09 - Swine Flu Central, New York City

Who knew that a few teenaged dickheads, who were innocently (yeah right) enjoying their Spring Break down in Old Mexico would cause such a sensation. Bringing back the ultimate souvenir, they returned to school in Queens, and then history was made. POW!!! New York City - particularly Queens, has become Swine Flu Central. Every person in the borough, I mean EVERY person, has either had symptoms, the full-blown thing, or at least knows someone who has. Yours truly is no exception!

Last Sunday I started getting the body aches, and by Monday the fever. Mind you, before I go any further with this, I did get my "normal" flu shot back in October. So, by Monday night I was feeling like shit - burning up with fever (and not in a good way), body ached, started coughing…you get the picture. I thought I was recovering the next day, but it was all hopeful bullshit. I was actually getting worse. My temperature climbed to 102, I was still coughing, and I felt like I got hit by a truck.

On Wednesday, I went to my doctor. Son of a bitch would not touch me. No way - I had to get my ass to the emergency room. I don't know if it's a malpractice issue, or maybe they just don't want to bother, but some doctors seem to be taking the low road. However, it was no time to bitch and whine - I had to get my sick ass to the hospital. My hospital (not by choice - rather, by pure geography) is Elmhurst.

I don't know how many of you know of Elmhurst Hospital, but it be described as a pit stop. You know, like in auto racing. You get in there, and they work you over at blinding speed, then push you back out there. First, you have to get in. That part takes forever. I waited over four hours before I got to triage. Then, after that, I finally worked my way back to the emergency area. I waited for about a half hour to get a "bed", which is no more than just a gurney. Then the fun began.

A really cute nurse (who may end up in my next story) came over and gave me a combo of pain relievers and fever reducers to swallow. Within a couple hours they were working. Boy, were they working. I was drenched! The sweat dripped off me - I even felt it rolling down my body, which is pretty gross. I stayed this way for a hours. Dripping sweat, uncomfortable in my clothes, sitting up in bed.

About twelve hours after first arriving at the hospital it was over. I was allowed to go home. I was handed several prescriptions, one of them being Tamiflu. This stuff is like gold in these parts. Many seek it out, but so few actually claim it. I was armed with pharmaceutical goodness, and on my way home. I couldn't wait to get there, and take a shower. I survived the swine flu, H1N1, the Mexican Disease, whatever the heck you want to call it. I don't care anymore - tired of talking about it now.

Make love not flu.

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